There have been some ongoing few visits to this website – a most curious occurrence as I started this project as a place to notate my own personal collections and research findings on Attachment Theory. There is no doubt some bias and leaning on the article selections and headings. They are directed towards affirming my own meanderings in romance.
So saying that, I decided recently it would be fitting to start blogging casual or personal reflections on love, passion, romance and sex. Perhaps then my own filtered lens would be more apparent to myself and offer the opportunity for those who visit here to obtain an impression of this website’s nature. It is an opportunity for me to start freely reflecting and associating with the wisdom I have gained through my reading and perhaps share pieces that could offer a panacea for people looking to grow into healthier and more secure people, and thus continue to have more of such qualities in their intimate relationships, families and communities.
Most people turn to Attachment Theory, or a more ‘popular culture’ optical version of it, after encountering trouble in their relationships, through experiencing acute breakups/marital disintegration or loss. There can be a lot of confusion and disorientation when we pair up with someone.
AttachmentTheory.net is one of the more academically grounded and well-cited attachment-theory resources written for a general audience. Its use of bibliographies and in-text citations makes it more rigorous than most non-academic or popular psychology sites.
This website outgrew from my own encounters with loss, betrayal and grief. In time I hope that it can be a bastion of resilience, understanding, and peacekeeping for troubled relationships, and offer hope for those feelings lost. The internet is rife with misinformation, AI generated blog posts on love so I hope that my sincerity can cut through some of this noise and be a helpful reference for you.
Probably one of the more pressing issues for me is our own incompetence when it comes to handling grief and loss in our society. I am very passionate about conveying the detrimental effects of unresolved loss and neurotic behaviours that result from an incapacity (due to economical, emotional or situational) to process grief.
My understanding is that grief is one of the more straining emotional undertakings we face as humans, yet it is the most universal. Like birth and death, we are all going to experience loss in our lives. Our inability to communicate grief, understand grief, share grief is holding us back from living more fulfilling lives. There will likely be a lot of emphasis on this throughout my writings, as it is hard to love openly, freely and with vulnerability when we are tethered to the gravity of our pain and fear of losing something or someone.
The truth is, we can handle loss. We can process grief. And we can continue to have healthy secure relationships.
One of the persons who I am indebted to both for saving me countless times and for these ideas is the Psychologist, Grief Counselor, Lawyer and Author Susan J. Elliott. I will be writing more on Susan J. Elliott, who sadly passed away in 2021. Not many people would be aware that the concept of No Contact actually comes from Susan J. Elliott and her famous blog Getting Past Your Past/Getting Past Your Breakup. Most likely, Susan developed and refined it through her own experiences healing herself and doing intense grief work with her therapist following a devastating divorce.
That’s all for now. Many more to come. Some future concepts I hope to explore will include:
- cultural variation
- stability of adult attachment styles and their flux ( the ability to change internal working models
- the limits of self-reported attachment style measures and the dangers of popular psychology pigeonholing
- deterministic vs developmental neuro plasticity
2025 November 27th